I somehow managed to escape the early 2000s without ever playing a Diablo game. Several of my gamer friends recently expressed shock and awe at this apparently criminal lack of Diablo in my life, so when I noticed the demo available on the PlayStation Store, I downloaded that shit. And then it sat, sad and lonely in my game menu until I finally had the time to spare to try it out this afternoon.
I did sink about 40 hours into Torchlight when it first came out, so I kind of knew what I was in for. Diablo-style dungeon crawlers are usually not my cup of tea, though. I find the endless, Sisyphean loop of click-kill-loot-equip quickly boring, especially if it is not accompanied by a riveting story with sympathetic characters. Does Diablo III deliver “riveting”? Well…not really. Diablo III delivers incredibly competent polish – and I would expect nothing less from Blizzard – but my brief time with the game did not inspire me to keep that time at anything but brief, because it delivers little else.
My three most common thoughts while playing Diablo III:
1. Who the fuck is going around this zombie-infested wasteland hiding small amounts of their gold in rotting barrels?
2. I am dressed like this, but the game lies to me and insists that I am wearing pants.
3. This quote from my husband: “Diablo III is like they took Diablo II and just made it shitty. It’s like they hired a really hot model for their movie and every time you’re just looking at her, she looks great, but whenever she opens her mouth to talk, you realize that she can’t even act.”