RPG Rabbit Fightsticks It to Amazon

I didn’t post anything last month because August was Persona Month. And oh, what a month. I had trouble doing anything with my free time that was not playing Persona. And then, at long last…

That’s a lot of goddamn hours. I’ll probably be up to 200 after New Game +.

Now that I’m done with this mammoth undertaking, I seek to tackle my considerable backlog of games. There’s just one problem:

Oh. Right.

Persona 5 was pretty easy to play with the controller on my lap, but there are a lot of other games I’m hoping to play (or finish playing) that would be very difficult to manage. Besides this, a DualShock 4 isn’t really designed to sit on a lap. Well, I thought, they do make controllers designed for laps. Maybe I should get one.

Thus did I enter into the confusing world of arcade sticks. Or fight sticks, as they are also called, since they are primarily used for fighters. I don’t play fighters often, and I’m bad to mediocre with them (though it might be cool to finally play my Persona Arena games), but it occurred to me that you don’t HAVE to play a fighter on a fight stick. It is just a controller, but bigger. And for laps. That about sums up the things I knew about fight sticks.

I have now learned that fight sticks are really expensive. Like the cheapest one I could find was $60. Most are in the $150 range, but a few strayed into $250 territory. I also learned that arcade sticks do not have all the buttons that one might desire, but each arcade stick also seems to have a different number of buttons. In addition, some fight sticks have “square gates” and others have “octagonal gates.” Some fight sticks have parts that can be swapped out for “Sanwa parts,” which are apparently very exciting parts. I was more than a little bewildered.

After collecting a variety of opinions from the Reddit hive mind, I settled on the Mad Catz Street Fighter V Fightstick Alpha, not because I particularly care for Street Fighter, but because it is the only entry-level option that comes equipped with a stick toggle switch, three buttons that allow you to tell the joystick to function as the left analog stick, the d-pad, or the right analog stick. While switching the stick function would be cumbersome, I reasoned, it would still be less cumbersome than holding a DualShock on my lap. Best of all, the model was available refurbished on Amazon with Prime shipping, so I could save sixteen bux and have it in my malfunctioning hands within two days. I ordered it.

It arrived in a very colorful box festooned with some very angry Street Fighter combatants.

Chun-Li’s legs always seem to be twice as large as the rest of her, which seems anatomically problematic. I mean, her feet are bigger than her head.

The box was labeled on the bottom with an official-looking Amazon inspection label, which I expected to guarantee some level of quality.

Just gaze upon that super official check mark!

The thing was even packaged in what looked like the original plastic, complete with instruction pamphlet.

It also came with a set of different-sized Mad Catz stickers, I guess so you could put more logos on your arcade stick if you wanted to do that for some reason?

I just stuck the big one on my bike instead.

I wasted no time in plugging it into my PS4 to try it out. No fight stick under the $250 price point has a wireless connection, but the Alpha comes with a fairly lengthy cord. My living room is pretty big, so it reaches my couch, but just barely. This creates a very exciting trip wire booby trap for Boyfriend to navigate while I’m using it, but I prefer to think of this as a feature rather than a bug, as it’s very funny. (He has long legs. He can deal.)

The PS home button doesn’t turn on the PS4 like a DualShock does, but that’s a minor quibble. I fired up the system and got ready to try out Exist Archive with a fightstick. But when I tried to navigate over to the game’s icon in the menu, nothing happened. I wiggled the stick in all directions, and I got no response. I tried it in every mode. Nothing. I plugged the thing into my PS3 and then my Steam Link. Nada. I sighed in resigned irritation. Apparently that Amazon “INSPECTED” sticker doesn’t mean very much.

Luckily, Amazon’s returns process is fairly straightforward. I packed the fightstick back in it’s colorful little box, hoping they wouldn’t mind that I had already used one of the stickers. The UPS man came to my door to pick it up the next morning. It took about two and a half weeks to process the damn refund, but I got it, and then I used it to buy a brand new stick of the same make and model. It arrived, oddly, on a Sunday afternoon (has Amazon somehow bribed the postal service to deliver its shit on Sundays, too?).

 

They didn’t bother sending it in a separate box this time around. A greener choice, I guess?

Finally, almost three weeks after the initial purchase, I had a completely functional stick.

I understand that it’s pretty small for a fightstick, but I’m a pretty small human, so I prefer to think of it as RPGRabbit-sized. Reviews online complained that it was too small to fit comfortably on a lap, but it does pretty well on my lap. I do think that a larger person might not find this model very comfortable to use. I like the pleasant clicking noises that the stick and the buttons make when I press them. I wasn’t allowed to visit many arcades as a child, but my favorite part was the big, clicky buttons on the machines, and this brings back some of that nostalgia. The matte finish on the surrounding surface has a nice tactile feeling to it, and it has the bonus effect of likely remaining smudge- and finger-print free.

Conveniently, the thing includes a color-changing lightbar that corresponds with player (ala the DualShock4) and even a share button. The toggle switch gives me right and left stick and d-pad function and there’s two small buttons to the right of the lightbar for R2 and L2, but I’m missing R3 and L3 inputs, and there’s no touchpad.

Experimentation has taught me that the fightstick is perfect for Exist Archive. While it’s going to take a little time to get used to the button configuration, navigation through the world is much easier, and I only need to toggle the stick function when I have to use the menu. It’s also great for platformers, and I can use it in Persona 5 if so inclined, though swapping to the right stick for camera function in dungeons is something I’m not sure I can get used to. I tried to play Final Fantasy XV, and it kind of worked okay, but since the touch pad is what opens the damn menu, that seems like a no go. I’m not actually sure I can play FFXV at all now, but I also wasn’t actually sure I wanted to, so that’s probably not the end of the world.

The stick functions perfectly well on the Steam Link, though I’m still trying to figure out if I can make Steam recognize the stick toggle switch function. I can play Hyper Light Drifter again, but the learning curve is going to be high, especially when it comes to aiming the gun. I expect it’s going to make playing Overcooked much easier. I’m looking forward to trying out Transistor and Bastion with the fightstick, and maybe I could even pick up Pyre. I haven’t tried the stick on the PS3 yet, but I know it’s going to be great for the P4 Arena games, and I’m hopeful that I’ll be able to pick up Dragon’s Crown (aka The Quest for Lady Bigboobs) and play more of that with Boyfriend.

Dealing with slightly crippled hands as a gamer is a huge pain in the ass, but I think this fight stick will help me get back to some of the games I’ve had to avoid. Overall, I’m pleased with the purchase.

TL;DR – The Mad Catz FightStick Alpha seems like a pretty good entry level fightstick for relatively small humans, but don’t buy one Amazon refurbished, no matter how many “INSPECTED” stickers they slap on the damn box.

Update 9/23/17: Playing Dragon’s Crown with the fightstick is a blast. It took me a few dungeon runs to get used to it, but once I did, I think it’s actually more fun with the stick. I can’t cast rune magic, since that requires use of R3, but since I only play the game co-op with Boyfriend, I can make him do all the rune magic. I played some Persona 4 Arena, too. I still have no idea what the hell I am doing in that game, but button mashing is a lot more fun when you have big, clicky buttons to mash.

Update 9/29/17: Amazon dropped the price of this stick about a week after I purchased it to around the price of their refurbished model because Amazon is made entirely of butts.

 

RPG Rabbit Has As of Yet Met No Actual Dragons in Dragon’s Crown

Ah, the plight of the first-world gamer: I own too many games. I own more games than I will ever beat; indeed, perhaps I own more games than I will ever play. And yet, paradoxically, the drive to acquire yet more games remains.

While this problem is especially prevalent in my Steam collection (as Steam sales are explicitly designed to encourage impulse buys in gamers), I am occasionally beset by the desire to impulsively purchase a console game.

Such was the case this weekend.

I took my boyfriend to our local gamers’ mecca to sample its nerdtastic delights. While there, though I had promised myself to buy no more games until I had finished at least a few that I was already playing, I happened upon a copy of Dragon’s Crown for the PS3, a Vanillaware game published by my favorite game publisher, ATLUS.

Now, I absolutely loved Vanillaware’s previous-generation offering, Odin Sphere. This game was easily one of my favorite pieces of software for the PS2. It had a fun, original battle system, a really interesting plot touching upon Norse mythology, beautiful hand-painted sprites, and a race of bunnies. What’s not to like?

Yes, in the world of the game, they are called Pookas, but look at the cute little buggers. They are bunnies.

It also had some really unique mechanics that I have not encountered in a game before or since. Game levels were “spheres” rather than linear – you started at an entrance, moved forward through a level that was linear in appearance, then came back to the beginning. Magic is powered through absorbing the souls of your enemies, and this also levels up your spells. And then my favorite wacky mechanic: your hit points level up through eating food that you grow by planting seeds. Some of these seeds grow delicious sheep fruit. Once the sheep are ripe, they hop off of the plant and walk away. You then must chase them, attack them, and then they turn into meat. I did not make any of this up.

As always, Penny Arcade says it best.

So when I heard that Vanillaware was coming out with a fantasy action RPG for the PS3, I was pretty excited about it, but I never got around to picking up a copy, mostly because I never actually saw any copies for sale and forgot about it. Until this weekend, when I found a used copy at my local game store.

Of course, then I got up to the register and realized I had left my wallet at home. Luckily for me, my heroic boyfriend purchased the game in my stead, and then later refused to let me pay him back, because he is as stubborn as he is sweet. To be fair, I suppose he got to play the game, too, but still.

Part of the reason I was so excited about the game is that it is a co-op fantasy action-RPG, and now that I have acquired a boyfriend with whom it is really fun to play games (because he both likes RPGs almost as much as I do and is patient with me when we play games at which I patently suck), I rather enjoy co-op games. We’ve been playing a lot of Divinity: Original Sin (a game that I would highly recommend as an excellent example of turn-based co-op done right), but it’s nice to have something a little more action-oriented for a change.

So. Dragon’s Crown. First of all, this game is beautiful. Vanillaware’s characteristic hand-painted sprites are on full display, and as usual, they are a joy to behold. They’re even nicer in HD than they were in the PS2 generation.

I do have to point out, however, that some of these sprites are…awkward. For instance, feast your eyes upon the mighty, meaty thighs of the Amazon, one of your six character choices.

Hmm. Yeah. I don’t really have words for that. My boyfriend did, though. And I quote: “Her butt looks like it is made of tumors.”

And then there is the Sorceress and her…uh, bouncing, bountiful bosoms? Seriously, check out her running animation.

>.> …sigh

The Sorceress has got nothing on Morgan the magic shop owner, though. Her bosoms are, quite literally, heaving.

Boyfriend and I re-dubbed her with a much more appropriate appellation: “Lady Bigboobs.”

Now, to be fair, these…shall we say, extreme physicalities are not exclusive to the women, which makes me somewhat less uncomfortable about them. For instance, the Dwarf looks like he overdosed on elephant steroids.

So it’s pretty clear that this was a stylistic choice, though occasionally a slightly creepy one. I’m still on the fence as to whether I ought to be offended by the weird objectification precisely because it is so weird. Tumor Butt the Amazon isn’t exactly oozing sex appeal, after all (though Lady Bigboobs certainly is…in a disturbingly enormous, heaving sort of way).

So…whatever. The sprites are weird, but still quite lovely, and the watercolor world which they inhabit is simply stunning.

When you select a stage, the map rotates around in a swirl of layered backgrounds that is beautiful to behold. I kept moving the cursor back and forth between stages because I enjoyed watching the map move so much. The lovely visuals are what really sell this game.

The gameplay, while certainly competent, has so far lacked the unique luster with which its predecessor Odin Sphere glimmered. My boyfriend and I were prompted to make characters, choosing from six different classes. Some of the classes are pretty straightforward – the fighter fights, the wizard…wizards? – but some are less clear. I chose as my class the Elf, which as those of us who play Dungeons & Dragons know, is typically a race, not a class. In this case, the Elf seems to be essentially a Ranger class, shooting bows and casting elemental magic. Character creation is otherwise very basic: you get to choose your color palette and your name, and that’s about it.

Speaking of Dungeons & Dragons, that’s exactly what playing this game reminded me of. The game’s story is not told by voice actors voicing dialogue; it is instead narrated by a single voice telling the story in exactly the sort of manner in which I used to tell the story when I dungeon-mastered 4e D&D. The narrator narrates you through a tutorial (which only Player One gets to play through for some reason, even if you have two controllers active), and then narrates you through quests, dungeons, and even shopping. It’s sort of a charming idea, really, and the narrator in question has quite a soothing voice.

The basics of the game are D&D-like as well: you take quests, you slay enemies, you find treasure, you level up. Your characters are upgraded through skill-trees visualized as cards, which is pretty cool and fairly in-depth.

It’s neat to pick out skills to customize your character, choosing which skills to activate and which to upgrade, while resigning others to obscurity.

This attention to skills is a pity because (at least at a mere three and a half hours into the game), most battles are won by jumping a lot and mashing the basic attack button. Now, mind you, this is fun; boyfriend said it reminded him a lot of Golden Axe (and what’s not to love about Golden Axe?), but it can occasionally become difficult to see what’s going on. Most battles very quickly devolve rapidly into a blurry, hard-to-follow mess.

Because the sprites are so large, they crowd the screen while moving at speed, making it very difficult to track which one is yours. This is made worse by the fact that the Guildmaster back in town “helpfully” sends random extra party members along whenever you head into a dungeon, whether you wanted them or not. If the Guildmaster sent along party members that were the same class as either my boyfriend or myself, we had a ton of trouble telling our sprites apart from the AI-controlled sprites in the heat of battle. We recruited an Amazon and a Sorceress right before we stopped playing for the night, though, so maybe things will be easier to track if we have Tumor Butt and Jiggle Tits along for the ride. They’ll be hard to mistake for our more normal-looking sprites, Tiny Elf and The Goddamn Tank.

“Normal” in this case being very relative – The Goddamn Tank has an elbow three times larger than his head.

As much as I enjoyed slaughtering goblins and riding wyverns with my boyfriend, we started to get a little bored with the repetitive nature of the gameplay. I am hoping that things might get more interesting as more story and more gameplay mechanics are revealed, but time will tell.

In the meantime, I’m thinking that Tiny Elf and The Goddamn Tank would be a great band name.